While working on my laptop on Thursday I ticced and head-butted it. The bridge of my nose hit the edge of the screen and it was incredibly painful. I felt a massive lump come up almost instantly but thankfully Leftwing Idiot was equally fast with some frozen peas to help ease the swelling and make me look less like an extra from Avatar.

But when I woke up this morning the swelling and bruising looked worse than it had yesterday. I had double black eyes again. One eyelid was so swollen it wasn’t opening properly. I was shocked enough to call Fat Sister, who’s a doctor. She didn’t answer straightaway because she was at work. By the time she called back I’d got over the surprise of seeing my mashed up face and was less worried. Nevertheless, Fat Sister wanted me to get someone to look at it. I’ve ignored her advice before and regretted it, so I made my way to the nearest Minor Injuries Unit, which is at Guy’s Hospital.

I got stunning service just as I did at King’s when I twisted my ankle a couple of weeks ago. The outcome is that it’s quite likely I’ve broken my nose but they’re not too worried about it. They’ve made a clinic appointment for me in a couple of weeks in case there are any persistent problems once the swelling’s gone down.

While I whole-heartedly recommend the outstanding services of the NHS, I really need to try and stay out of A&E.

And while I whole-heartedly recommend having a laptop, I really do need to avoid head-butting mine.

For anyone who’s following my tics’ ever-changing ways of expressing ‘ouch’, “Miso soup” is the latest that indicates pain.