The other day Leftwing Idiot said, ‘I’d love to have met you as a kid – what were you like?’ Today while we were sorting out mountains of paperwork at the lair, I was able to tell him what I was like, in the words of my primary school teachers. Here’s what they wrote in my reports:

“A bundle of bouncy energy. She does not seem to mind making an exhibition of herself.”

“There are signs that she is becoming more calm. However her rather scatty personality, however endearing, has restricted her progress.”

“Generally speaking a well behaved child yet she can become quite aggressive e.g. pinching, pushing.”

“She is unable to sit still for very long and is constantly on the move with, at times, unfortunate results: Falling off chairs, tripping over.”

“A naturally creative child. Her paintings and drawings are lively and colourful and have a certain style to them, even though they appear a little messy. Her work is quite individualistic.”

“She is an intelligent, articulate and active child but can be uncoordinated and has difficulty with manipulating cutlery.”

“A great sense of humour, common-sense and enthusiasm.”

“We continue to work on her motor control and body awareness.”

“She has been arriving at school with a little more composure recently which is a good sign.”

“Specific speech therapy has been aimed at stopping the dribbling she finds a problem. She should be proud of her achievement in learning to eat and drink in a way that looks normal.”

So now he knows.