There are twenty days until Leftwing Idiot’s birthday and I’ve already bought his present. For most people this would be sensible forward planning. But for me, it’s a risky business.

Tourettes means I’m not very good at keeping secrets, and I’ve got an appalling track record for maintaining surprises as a result. His gift arrived through the post this morning and I’ve already said to him, “I’ve bought you a present” countless times. This is making both of us anxious.

So far I haven’t given the game away, but twenty days suddenly feels like a very long time. My plan is to wrap his gift and put it away out of sight, and hopefully out of mind.