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Time for Penguins

11th April 2013

As soon as Leftwing Idiot arrived at the castle this morning so we could travel into work together, my tics announced, “Poppy woke me up at 6am to talk about penguins.”

This of course wasn’t strictly true. What actually happened was that I had a ‘ticcing fit’ and Poppy, who was providing my overnight support, came to help me. After the fit had finished a stream of tics about penguins marched out. Poppy dutifully scribbled them down in my tic book and filled up four pages in the process. Here’s what I had to say about these funny flightless birds in the early hours of this morning:

“Put a penguin on a lamp-post and watch it fall.”
“Replace the queen with a penguin.”
“I vote for a parliament of penguins.”
“Energy-saving light bulbs or penguins? Choose!”
“There are 48 penguins on the allotment list in Sunderland.”
“Penguins look good in beanies.”
“Wednesdays are about flow-charts for penguins.”
“It’s time that penguins flew Concorde.”
“Oh, blimey, it’s a penguin in a Daniel Day-Lewis costume.”
“How many penguins take part in Movember?”
“How many penguins can you fit under your duvet?”
“I’m considering re-decorating in penguin.”
“Oprah loves penguins.”
“You could get a nanny or you could just get a penguin.”
“Do you think you can put a penguin on a 40° wash?”
“Do you think a penguin could be a disco ball if it tried hard enough?”
“Penguins bathe themselves in tarragon.”
“My specialist subject on mastermind is penguin parts.”
“Morrisons do a good line in penguins.”
“Time to arm the penguins, I really think we should have armed penguins.”
“I’d rather have penguins in my socks than in my Brian Adams costume.”
“Balance a penguin on a tennis ball in Parliament.”
“Imagine trying to tuck a penguin in at night.”
“Nesting dolls, nesting tables or nesting penguins? Choose!”
“Replace every chimney in London with a penguin.”
“Pingu and the Aftermath of Den Watts”
“Would you soak a penguin in rum for fun?”
“Do you think the House of Lords would look better with penguins?”
“The Mafia are making baby penguins again.”
“In need of an extractor fan? Try a penguin!”
“I think it might be time to talk about penguins.”

The unexpected tirade stopped as suddenly as it’d started, but just before Poppy and I went back to sleep one more penguiny tic emerged – “Don’t dream of penguins!”

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