A couple of nights ago I started singing a new song so sweetly it might almost have been described as saccharine – but the ticced lyrics were anything but.

“I’m having sex with animals again,
I’m having sex with animals again,
I’m having sex with animals again,
And they all like it hard in the face.”

The last line came out with so much vigour that it made my voice reverberate. After several rousing renditions my tics seemed to have given up the song and I was able to go to sleep.

But it keeps popping up, most recently yesterday afternoon in the office at work. Thankfully my colleagues have all known me long enough to be pretty shockproof.

I’ve become quite fond of this little ditty now, but at the same time I’m terrified of ticcing it in a less forgiving environment.