Tomorrow people around the world will be celebrating St Valentine’s Day – since the Middle Ages it’s been the day to celebrate love and romance.

But people I know will be celebrating a something a bit different, something my tics have chosen to call: Alantine’s Day. It’s much the same as Valentine’s Day, but more….Alany.

There’s no clear reason why my tics should’ve started this rebranding campaign, but it’s been going on for several weeks now, much to the amusement of my friends and colleagues, including Alan who’s the finance manager at work.

‘Alan’ has been a regular tic for almost a year, and Alan the man has become skilled at knowing when it’s me talking to him or my tics. But Alan’s not the first blokey name to make it into my repertoire – Ben, Brian and Keith have all been regular tics too, although none of them have ever achieved romantic celebration status.

So here’s the big question – how do you celebrate Alantine’s Day and what are the traditions that need observing? So far my tics have suggested:

“Catapulting a bat in a north-easterly direction and kissing your knee – while whispering Alan.”
“Writing ‘tortoise’ in dust on a Landrover – in the style of Alan.”
“Rhyming Alan with anagrams of Sandra Bullock movies.”
“Singing ‘Twinkle, twinkle little Alan’ while winking.”
“Giving Alan a glow-in-the-dark sticker shaped like a toaster.”

I’m keen that Alantine’s Day should catch on, so I need your help to establish some more practical traditions than the ones my tics have come up with. If you’ve got any ideas about how you’d like to celebrate this special day, please share them in the comments section below. And if Alantine is to compete with St Valentine we also need to create the merchandise – a logo, greetings cards, some songs, some terrible movies and a lot of rhyming verse. All contributions gratefully received.

Whatever you end up doing tomorrow I wish you a very happy Alantine’s.