Leftwing Idiot and I were out all day. On the way home we headed to our local kebab shop to get something to eat. There was a police car outside and we could see two officers were ordering their dinner at the counter. Leftwing Idiot took a deep breath as we entered and said, “This is going to be interesting.”

Police always make my tics worse.

I ordered our food and we sat down to wait for it and it only took a minute for my tics to catch their attention. The cops looked shocked and stared at me disapprovingly. This wasn’t much of a surprise. In addition to my normal repertoire, their presence had triggered a farmyard of pig noises that I was trying desperately to stifle.

After ten long uncomfortable minutes they left with their food. It would’ve been interesting to hear what they said when they got back to their car.