This morning I shaved the back of Leftwing Idiot’s neck with a razor. It was brave of him to let me but he’d clearly weighed up the untidy neck/no head balance, and despite a few moments of nervousness he seemed reassured by my constant assurance that I could perform an:
“Artichoke-heart transplant.”…
As an internationally established superhero, my main concern is preserving life and world peace. Sometimes though it’s important to think about how I would take out an enemy:
“A sausage and a finger could kill a man.”
I’m pretty sure that’s true.
I went shopping this morning and got a lift from King Russell. I spent most of the journey trying not to interfere with his driving, but I also came up with a number of interesting web addresses:
“www.godbook.com.”
“www.godsface.com.”
“www.powerfulmothers.co.uk.”
www.godbook.com…
“I love Lion-O.”
“Lion-O loves you.”
“Lion-O, wasteman.”
“Lion-O hates you.”
“Lion-O loves lace.”
A couple of snippets of potentially valuable economic advice arrived today:
“Let’s put our money in crisps.”
“Let’s panic-buy fish.”
Good luck if you’re planning to invest.
Got my squawk on this afternoon during an address by Tim Loughton, Shadow Children’s Minister, (best known for his appearance on ‘Tower Block of Commons’) at a launch event held in a foyer on Millbank. The acoustics in the room were so bad they made him almost inaudible.…
“Catapult your love to me.”
A quick maths puzzle for those of you keen to take up the challenge:
“3^dogs.”
“3^Michael Portillo.”
Tonight, while discussing what we were going to have for dinner, Leftwing Idiot said he wanted some cake. This resulted in 20 minutes of:
“Sponge cake, Bob Pants.”
“Champagne Bob, Square Pants.”
“Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob Pants.”
I have no particularly strong interest in Sponge Bob.…
Over breakfast in a greasy-spoon and in the company of some very hung-over humans, I offered some technical computer advice to no one in particular:
“Overclock your soul.”
I was clearly:
“Wrecked on the rocks in my mind.”
But:
“I gave a spirited performance in my mind.”…
This site contains an extensive record of genuine Tourettes Syndrome vocal tics which may be sexually explicit, contain strong language or may generally be on an adult theme. It may include material which some may find offensive. For that reason, we do not allow anyone under 18 years to enter our site. Nor should you enter if such material might offend you.
Touretteshero offers a SafeMode filter that removes swearing and adult content from the site. To do this it is necessary for us to place a ‘cookie’ on your computer. We also use ‘cookies’ to link to Twitter, to remember your login preferences, and to record how many people have visited the site. By clicking a button below you are agreeing to cookies being used. For more detailed information on the use of cookies please read our privacy policy.
…
Recent Comments