It’s a week until Fat Sister and King Russell’s wedding and tonight I finished writing my speech. I’m maid of honour and although it’s not standard for the chief bridesmaid to speak, Fat Sister wanted at least one speech from a woman.

I know that however carefully honed my words on the page are, only half of what I say will have been written down. The other, ticced, half is unknown and it will be as much a surprise to me as to everybody else.

I would put money on there being some ‘biscuits’ though.