Well, it’s been over a week and my potentially problematic ‘Alan fucks buses’ tic is showing no sign of letting up. In fact, it’s expanding. I now have a long list of other accusations of what else Alan’s slept with that would almost certainly result in a long prison sentence (and or a trip to hospital) if any of them turned out to be true.

So, in addition to buses, and in no particular order, Alan also fucks….

Coalscuttles
Light bulbs
Gardening implements
A model of Rumpelstiltskin
Norway
Iridescent paint
The Crimean War
Forests
The Metropolitan Line
Denis Thatcher’s corpse
Croque-monsieur
A nut roast with chocolate sauce on
Doors
Mahatma Gandhi
Sue Perkins in a haberdashery
The mirror ball
A toaster
Postman Pat
Fourteen blades of grass at once
The Turin shroud

And last but not least…

Brian.