I love swimming and I’m trying to go a couple of times per week. But for the last few months this has been difficult because for various reasons I’ve been short of support workers who can swim.

The very welcome return of Zoë, who’s been away in Nepal and Sheffield, has put this right and we’re now going together regularly.

We’ve quickly established a new routine – doing lengths in the big pool first and then stretching afterwards in the hydrotherapy pool.

I say ‘stretching’ but these movements are definitely not conventional or physiotherapist-approved! Zoë’s been inventing names for them, and so far we have:

The Wall Hump
The Albatross Flap and
The Support Worker Squiggle

For now I’ll leave you to imagine what these look like. But who knows, maybe one day my genius will be recognised and my stretches will be immortalised in a keep fit video.

I’ve long believed the world needs “Tourettes-a-cise.”