When I was out somewhere in London earlier today I saw a fancy designer-lamp-post. It was minimalist, a single metal tube like an upside down capital letter ‘L’.

For a moment I was intrigued, trying to decide if I liked it. Then I was overtaken with panic. What if some council official had secret plans to up-grade my lamp-post? Peckham’s fast becoming ‘hip’ and we already have our fair share of designer-lamp-posts in the trendiest areas: what if my wonky buddy is next? How would I respond?

I felt my anxiety rising. In my mind I quickly drew up the text for an online petition and crowd-funding campaign to save the lamp-post by transplanting it to safety within the confines of the castle’s walls. And I wondered if I should organise a rota for a community lamp-post watch just in case, or apply for a preservation order on the grounds of ‘exceptional contribution to the community’.

Then I checked myself. There’s no evidence to suggest the lamp-post’s under threat. It’s extremely unlikely that the cash-strapped council’s going to prioritise replacing my functional lamp-post with a minimalist alternative when there are so many other pressing needs.

But if I get even a whiff of any real risk I’ll let you know and we can launch the campaign together. I’m counting on you!