For reasons that are too tasteless to describe here, this post is dedicated to a poor defenceless porker and a well-known wild boar.

When Ed Miliband attempted to eat a bacon sandwich a while back he was at least trying to get the pig into his mouth, and not the other way round.

So on a day when revelations about David Cameron have plunged British politics even deeper into the trough, here’s what my tics had to say:

“Pepper Pig looks at the Prime Minister nervously.”

“Give David Cameron a pig sticker.”

“Oxford pork, hand reared by the Prime Minister.”

“David Cameron goes sausage-to-sausage with a piggy.”

“Do you have diplomatic immunity from swine flu?”

“David Cameron, Little Miss Piggy pyjama bed-set.”

And this is what my friends Cassetteboy had to say on the subject:

I can only guess at what the pig fairy must be thinking about these ham-fisted headlines!