Dear Pig Fairy

I know I decided a while ago that I no longer needed to mark each of the days when I didn’t have a ticcing fit with a highly decorated pig-shaped dog toy. But I’ve had a sudden change of heart and wondered if you’d consider providing me with backdated pigs?

As you know I keep a record of each ticcing fit and then this information gets analysed to see if things are improving, getting worse, or if any patterns are emerging. I’ve just received the analysis back for the last load of data and I’m pleased to announce that in the last two years I’ve had 122 fit-free days.

I feel that I may have been premature in announcing that I was done with celebratory pigs at just 24. So could you please forward the outstanding 98?

I appreciate that this is quite a pig task so I thought I’d get you started with some ideas for new creations:

Lightning Pig
Lemon Pig
Salad Dressing Pig
Mystic Pig
Fantastic Mr Fox Pig
Pilates Pig
David Blaine Pig
David Cameron Pig
Hello Piggy
Tissue Pig
Fish Finger Pig
Dream Pig
Mop and Bucket Pig
Daffodil Pig
Dustbin Pig
Industrial Pig
Epic Pig
Underwear Pig
Balloon Pig
Asteroid Pig

Yours hopefully,

Touretteshero.