I stepped out of the tipi this morning into the beautiful, green clearing. People were already up and preparing for the day. Brother Olly and Leftwing Idiot were organising a delicious cooked breakfast for everyone. King Russell’s brother Carl was making last minute arrangements for the humiliation of his sibling at the stag activity that was happening later. I got busy making sure everything was ready for our hen plans too.

After breakfast we all went to Padstow, where the stags and hens split up. The stags took King Russell, who they’d dressed as a Viking, out on a fishing boat to catch mackerel.

We hens stayed on dry land, and went for lunch at Rick Stein’s Café. After we’d eaten, everyone drifted out of the restaurant one by one until just Fat Sister and I were left. I then gave her the first clue to a treasure hunt in which she had to find all the other hens. She got very over-excited by this and seal clapped with glee.

As we got going, a confused Fat Sister asked me how come I wasn’t blurting out the answers to the clues. I’d thought of this beforehand and carefully arranged it so I didn’t know where anyone was.

The treasure hunt ended in the Victorian Tea Rooms where we had a cream tea with freshly made scones. Fat Sister’s treasure box was full of envelopes containing messages and photos from each of us. We rejoined the boys and headed back to the campsite. The sea had been rough and they all came back looking peaky.

Back at the tipis I went with a few of the others for a swim in the lake. As I jumped off the pontoon and landed in the deep, freezing water I thought ‘Uh oh! Come on body, you’ve really got to behave and do as I say now.’ I made it safely, if noisily, to the other pontoon. I enjoyed the swim immensely, it was well boska (a word we’ve all been using a lot all day). After drying off we got on with the night’s celebrations.

Fat Sister and King Russell had made it very clear that what they most wanted from the weekend was a big party with their friends, in a forest. This is exactly what happened. Everyone dressed in formal clothes and we had a forest cocktail party.

Much later, as we all sat around the fire, Fat Sister gave a long drunken speech addressing each of us in turn saying, “You’re awesome,” and “You’re awesome,” and “You’re awesome.” She even compared one of her friends to Jesus.

She won’t live this down quickly and I suspect it will come up again in the wedding speeches.