Last night I cried – properly sobbed. It happened while I was talking to Leftwing Idiot about the acute ticcing fits I’ve been having for the past week. He said, ‘You can’t go into another week pretending everything’s OK, because it’s not’ and I started to realise I have to face up to the knock-on implications of what’s been happening. These affect:

My job
Leftwing Idiot’s job
Moving into the new lair
My independence and
My friends and family.

I’m in a shit situation and feel overwhelmed by so many layers of interconnected shittiness. I’d been desperately hoping this would all stop, and while it still may, I now recognise I have to start working on a plan for if it doesn’t.

The first stage of this is to have some honest conversations with my boss, my social worker and my consultant.

I took the first step this morning. My boss came round to Leftwing Idiot’s and we discussed the situation and made a plan for the week. I’m taking a couple of days off to recover some energy and to give me enough time to get in touch with all the other people and agencies involved.

I know I can’t any longer put off getting back in touch with Access to Work who fund my support worker. At the moment they fund a support worker for only two days a week, but If I’m to be able to keep working safely this will have to increase. Up to now I’ve been reluctant to ask for more help because I’ve been afraid that in the current climate they might even cut what I get at the moment and that would make working impossible.

I feel much better now I’ve talked things through with my boss. She and all my colleagues are amazingly supportive and that’s made me feel much more optimistic than I did last night. I’m looking forward to talking to my social worker next, when she returns from holiday at the end of the week.

I’m beginning to sort out all the layers of this complicated situation and I’m starting to see the possibility of setting up a comprehensive and holistic support system.

I’ve just got to work hard to make sure it all happens.