I don’t actually have a swimming instructor, but Leftwing Idiot does look a lot like one with the new stopwatch hanging round his neck. We’ve bought this to time the ticcing fits I’ve been having.

Although we went to different primary schools and didn’t know each other as children, it turns out that we did have the same swimming teacher. Neither of us has particularly fond memories of him but we both remember what he looked and sounded like.

Leftwing Idiot might only be a whistle away from looking like a swimming coach, but the stopwatch is a crucial new addition to my emergency kit. We’ve drawn up a medication and management plan that is linked to how long each ticcing episode lasts, so accurate timing is essential.

Photograph: Laura Page