I got in late from work this evening and slumped on the sofa next to Fat Sister. The TV was on and she was playing with her iPhone. My arm was ticcing and that meant I was hitting my face repeatedly, so I asked her to help keep my hand still.

She did this without looking up while I moaned about the lack of anything interesting on the TV. Without saying a word she handed me the remote control. This particular object is already responsible for sizeable bruises on my cheek so we’re currently keeping it in a padded envelope. She was essentially handing me a weapon of face destruction.

I tried to use it for its intended purpose but my body had other plans and I thrashed about desperately. Throughout this, Fat Sister silently played phone Sudoku and inevitably I hit myself with the remote. At this point I asked her to “Take the bloody thing off me!” Obviously I need to take responsibility for asking for help when I need it, but there’s no doubt my sister’s attention has been wrecked by her iPhone.

“Seed pod, iPod, frog pod, dog pod.”