Zoë does my overnight care twice a week. In the morning she takes great pride in making my bed, which she does very well indeed. I’m full of admiration for how neat it always looks.

Olive stays to do my care once a week. Normally Zoë and Olive’s nights don’t follow one another but last week, when Olive stepped in to cover for Leftwing Idiot who was ill, it meant she followed on from Zoë.

When Olive took me to my room to settle me into bed she commented how good it looked. I explained how well Zoë makes it. The following morning Olive made the bed – also very neatly. So when Zoë came in later to do her sleeping night she noticed the neat sheets instantly and asked ‘Who made the bed?’

When I told her I could see a steely look come into her eye as she digested the information, and I got a feeling bed-making was about to go the next level.

Realising I was onto a good thing I tried to get Poppy excited about the prospect of competitive bed-making later in the week. But she just laughed and said ‘I’ve never fallen for tricks like that. I don’t need that sort of positive reinforcement.’

I may have inadvertently started a domestic war, but Poppy’s firm stance means that beds at the castle will always keep their more casual look on Fridays.