I’ve been enjoying something of a dip in the regularity and severity of my ‘ticcing fits’ in the last couple of weeks and one benefit has been a welcome increase in the number of uninterrupted nights sleep I’ve had.

But this lucky streak came to an end last night when I woke at 5am having a little fit. Fortunately, though, this particular one came accompanied by a little song – a rare treat because I usually can’t speak during a ticcing fit.

So as well as keeping me safe, Leftwing Idiot, who was supporting me, hurriedly scrawled down the ticced lyrics. Neither of us can really remember the melody, but the song’s lyrics are very clearly about citrus fruit theft:

“I’d like to steal a lemon and take it for a ride on a train,
I’d like to steal a lemon and teach it how to ski,
I’d like to steal a lemon and teach it pottery,
I’d like to steal a lemon and make it feel special,
I’d like to steal a lemon and take it into Marks & Spencer and leave it in the fruit and veg isle until someone buys it.”

What a sweet life for a stolen lemon. Leave your own citrusy suggestions in the comments section below.