The Winter Olympics started today, something that might well have passed me by had my tics not got involved, suggesting a flurry of new events:

“Down Hill Donkey Tobogganing.”
“Limbo Dancing on Ice.”
“Tiddlywinks in the Rain.”
“Duvet Diving.”
“Down Hill Freestyle Conga Slalom.”

It’s unlikely any of these sports will feature in Sochi, and I like the idea of having some especially soggy events for our snow-free, rain-filled climate instead.

So rather than skiing, snowboarding, curling or bobsleigh events, how about puddle jumping, cross country mud walking, and speed umbrella opening?

Those are just a few examples – there must be hundreds more, do please suggest some more of your own.