I’m well known for my biscuit tics, hedgehogs are constant companions, and I talk incessantly about the sexual habits of sheep, goats and cats.

But what about bears?

This is a question my tics have asked many times a day for several months in a row, and it elicits a variety of responses from my friends and family.

Today the question turned into “How many times is it acceptable to talk about bears?”

Before Leftwing Idiot had a chance answer my tics replied:

“Nine times an hour.”

So there you are, no need for prolonged discussion, debate or consultation – I can mention bears every seven minutes without straying beyond accepted social norms. Disagree? Talk to the tics.