Touretteshero is left alone in her bedroom with a price gun.

The price sticker reads £1.50

The total value of Touretteshero’s head when Will returns from brushing his teeth is £16.50

How many £1.50 labels are on Touretteshero’s hair and face?

My friend Zoë’s been one of my support workers for over two years. We know each other really well and I feel happy and safe when I’m with her. I often affectionately call her ‘Zo-bags’ and earlier today this name took on a new meaning.…

I was hanging out with Leftwing Idiot and Kyle at work today. The three of us go back a long way and we have a well-established history of doing silly voices together.

On our way back from lunch it was Leftwing Idiot’s turn – I can’t remember exactly what he was saying but I suddenly noticed he sounded a lot like Nina Conti’s Monkey!…

For three years, from when I moved into the castle, I’ve been happily chatting to, advising and teasing the lamp-post I can see from my bedroom window. A year and a day ago I wrote a blog post reflecting on how reassuring I found it that I was still doing this.…

Leftwing Idiot, Will, Fran and I all travelled home from work yesterday in a cab. Leftwing Idiot was sitting in the front and half way through the journey, completely out of the blue, he said ‘Alan ate my falafel.’

We all laughed and Will asked him ‘Have you written that down?’…

The traditional way to start a new month is with a pinch and a punch. I certainly upheld the pinching part during a ‘ticcing fit’ I had earlier today. It was while I was in a meeting with Leftwing Idiot, Jolie, and Jess Mabel Jones (AKA Chopin) about BIBL.…

While Leftwing Idiot and I were having lunch in a café earlier he picked up the tomato ketchup, which came in a squeezy, plastic, tomato-shaped bottle filled to the brim with sauce.

Mischievously he started saying loads of stuff to me about squeezing it and how squeezy it was.…

I woke up relaxed and happy after a laid-back weekend. Since July all my weekends have been packed full of performances, festivals or work. It’s been an amazing time, but having a proper weekend off has been lovely too.

Yesterday I hung out with Fat Sister.…

I know it’s not Saturday, but it was yesterday and my tics seemed aware of that when they chose to repurpose Whigfield’s 1994 classic ‘Saturday Night.’ The tune stayed the same but the lyrics were given a radical update.

“Saturday night and your dog is getting high,
With your mummy.…

This afternoon my tics made me blush. They very rarely do this, but for a moment my face was hot with embarrassment.

Will and I were in the office along with Leftwing Idiot, and our colleague JP.

We were all working away when suddenly, in response to a question about the location of a specific spreadsheet, my tics announced that it could be found in Will’s mothers groin!…