I have Copropraxia, which means I tic rude gestures – I stick my finger up at things.

I’ve done it to Leftwing Idiot’s geranium, the TV, light fittings, random passers-by and my friend Hannah’s fourteen-month-old son. Recently I’ve taken to swearing at the whole room by sticking my finger up and panning through 180 degrees.…

This morning I finished sorting through my stuff and packing it up in preparation for leaving the lair in a week or so. While I was doing this I came across a drawing I’d done when I was about eight. It’s of a made-up character who I’d called ‘Telly Biscuit.’…

Yesterday I wrote that I’d been hanging out with friends, including Laura who’s eight months pregnant. What I didn’t mention is the new name Tourettes gave to her bump. I repeatedly ticced:

“Hello, Laura’s cum cake.”

I’ve already written about my recent flurry of sung tics. Most of the time I pay little attention to the constant noises I make, but every now and again I say something that really makes me smile, and even feel pleased to have said it.…

I shocked Leftwing Idiot and Poppy earlier by ticcing, “Say what you see,” followed by the name of the things in the room they were looking at:

“Say what you see Poppy, light switch,” etc.

What freaked them out was that I wasn’t even in the same room, and my tics still managed to get it right.

It was just me at the lair this afternoon. I was doing some washing up and generally pottering about, when I suddenly and loudly ticced:

“It is the hippies of outrageous fortune that weigh heavy on the minds of dogs.”

Mashed-up Shakespeare out of the blue on a Sunday afternoon is one of the joys of Tourettes.

This evening, while Fat Sister and King Russell were round, Tourettes announced a pub quiz and I ticced a string of ludicrous questions. I know my friend Emma would’ve enjoyed this because she loves trivia and answering back to tics. The questions included:

“Hands up if you know how to clap and shit your pants at the same time.”…

The other day Leftwing Idiot said, ‘I’d love to have met you as a kid – what were you like?’ Today while we were sorting out mountains of paperwork at the lair, I was able to tell him what I was like, in the words of my primary school teachers.…

When I arrived at Leftwing Idiot’s earlier, he said, ‘I’ve got something to show you.’ He led me into the kitchen to see the geranium, which I mentioned before when my tics took an instant dislike to it.

He wanted me to see it in full bloom.…

I’ve described before how tics sometimes come out to a particular tune. The last few days have been full of ticced songs that arrive out of the blue. Here’s a selection of lyrics from the latest batch:

To the Blackadder theme:

“You’re Blackpool, you’re Blackpool, your good times have now gone.”…