This evening I answered an unsolicited market research call on the house phone. The caller ploughed on despite the unusual noises I was making. Because this wasn’t a call I had any interest in I made no explanation for the screeching.…

I’ve spent the day squawking around on my own. Like most people I appreciate a bit of time to myself. However, being by myself does make the randomness of the things I say even more apparent. I was so pleased by the return of Fat Sister that I greeted her by saying:

“You have a kilogram of sperm in your mouth.”…

Early this morning I travelled to Liverpool for a Tourettes conference with Leftwing Idiot and Ruth (who also has Tourettes). After a brief discussion we decided not to sit in the quiet coach.

Our arrival in the city that gave the world the Beatles was marked by the addition of several Liverpool-specific tics to Ruth’s repertoire: “Calm down, calm down!”…

As an internationally established superhero, my main concern is preserving life and world peace. Sometimes though it’s important to think about how I would take out an enemy:

“A sausage and a finger could kill a man.”

I’m pretty sure that’s true.

Tonight, while discussing what we were going to have for dinner, Leftwing Idiot said he wanted some cake. This resulted in 20 minutes of:

“Sponge cake, Bob Pants.”

“Champagne Bob, Square Pants.”

“Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob Pants.”

I have no particularly strong interest in Sponge Bob.…

Leftwing Idiot and I were having dinner at a café tonight. I was drinking grapefruit juice through a straw so I didn’t need to worry about lifting the glass.

While we were eating I accidentally flicked the straw and splashed grapefruit juice in my eyes which made me squeal.…

“This vehicle is talking about you.”

It’s freezing. Leftwing Idiot and I headed to Greenwich to see a film that someone at work had recommended. The film was sold out when we got there so we warmed up in a restaurant and had some noodles instead. We sat at a long shared table.…

The Tourettes crazy language machine swung into a frenzy this evening to the tune of “If you’re happy and you know it.” All these tics occurred in the first half hour and then I repeated them full blast for several hours:

“Norma Major’s in your mouth, take a bite.”…

I was in town this afternoon and went into a newsagent to buy some batteries. They were kept behind the counter so I joined the queue of waiting customers. While standing in line I started to say “Worming my way into your soul.”…