Out of the blue yesterday my tics let fly with a load of unlikely gossip about daytime TV regular Lorraine Kelly.

Before I tell you any more, here’s the legal disclaimer:

‘The events described in these tics are fictitious. Any similarity to any person (or tortoise) living or dead is merely coincidental.’…

I mentioned last month that we’d been at Battersea Arts Centre for a week working on the very early stages of a new project. During our time there I spent a couple of days working with a voice coach. He gave me a load of exercises that I’ve incorporated into my nightly routine, just after brushing my teeth but before shouting at the lamp-post.…

As a child my Gran taught me a number of prayers. I became obsessed with them and had to repeat them all perfectly every night in order to feel safe.

As I hit my teens I was able to reason myself out of this, but the prayers are clearly still entrenched in my memory because today, totally out of the blue, I recited the Lord’s Prayer.…

I woke up naturally this morning, with no alarm bursting into my dreams and jump-starting my day.

I opened the blind so I could see what the weather had in store. The sky was dull grey with a tiny flash of blue on the horizon.…

I wrote last month about the sickly state of my geranium. I’d almost given up hope that it would survive from the blight that killed its neighbour, the pepper plant.

But almost a month on, there’s reason for optimism. The cutting I took is growing – slowly, but definitely growing.…

I’m lying in bed looking out in the direction of the lamp-post I can see from my window. But tonight my tics’ attention stopped short of “the wonky-orange-bobble-head” and focused instead on my windowsill:

“Walrus, your bottom is smoother than a melting soap.”…

We’re back at Battersea Arts Centre for another week, but not with Backstage In Biscuit Land. This time we’re here to work on the very early stages of a new project.

We’re in a room that I’ve not been in before.…

My knees have a tough life – I crawl about on them a lot, fall down on them often, and only very occasionally moisturise them. Given this ill treatment it’s surprising how rarely they complain.

Until today! This morning I was acutely aware of a big bruise on my right knee.…

Proud parents often share photos of their adorable offspring achieving significant milestones.

Earlier today Leftwing Idiot sent me a photo of his beautiful baby geranium that’s just had its first flowers.

Baby G’s the first to grow from seed from Leftwing Idiot’s original plant, and my tics marked the occasion in their usual style:

“Baby geranium, do you want some custard?”…

This morning we arrived bright and early at the Skirball Cultural Centre, our LA venue, to load in our show. The space is amazing and we were made incredibly welcome straight away. By mid-afternoon we’d finished setting up so we headed over to West Hollywood to explore.…