When Fat Sister called earlier to say she was on her way round for dinner, she asked me to turn the oven on. My tics had three questions for her:

“Shall I rub my clitoris on it?”

“Shall I give it a lap dance?”…

I wrote recently about one of the many tic-filled messages I’ve left for Laura on her voicemail. When I called her today she answered, so I didn’t need to leave a message, but the first thing I said was, “I’m a prostitute.”…

“Piss off parsnip.”
“Carroty cunt.”
“Man up root vegetables.”

…all this as I settled into bed – certainly a strange way to end the day.

I went to hang out and watch some TV at Leftwing Idiot’s this evening. When I arrived we sat in his kitchen and had a drink. While he did making the tea my tics had a chat with his geranium.

It’s been almost a year since this plant arrived in his flat and our turbulent relationship first began.…

Tonight I went to a Club Attitude event with Bunny and our friends Mic and Sophie. The event was organised by Attitude is Everything, an organisation that makes it easier for disabled people to enjoy to live music. It was a night of great bands in an amazing super-accessible venue.…

Yesterday I wrote about my new hip-hop arm tic. The ‘gansta’ theme continued today thanks to a new set of vocal tics. If you want to know what I mean, just add motherfucker to the following:

“Sand dunes!”
“Sandwich bag!”
“Armadillos!”…

Annoyingly, the arm tics I mentioned the other day have carried on. In particular I’m making a movement that involves extending my arm straight in front of me and making a circular gesture. This has been causing problems with eating, drinking and typing.…

This evening I ticced a tricky question, “If you had four words for the rest of your life, what would they be?” and I went on to answer my own question with a series of unusual choices:

“Teapot, Sex, Apricot, Lego.”…

My friend Chiv’s been staying with me for a few days. He’s a musician and each evening he’s been practicing the trumpet, the guitar and singing, filling the castle with amazing music.

Last night as we were winding down for the evening he sang an old R&B song by Amos Milburn.…

During yet another ‘ticcing fit’ earlier, my arms contorted and my hands locked into a fixed position that happened to be over my tits so it looked and felt as if I was touching myself up. This made me and Leftwing Idiot laugh.…