“The Sound of a Sheep”
When I popped out to get some milk earlier there was a police van on the street outside the lair. As I walked past, swearing and shouting “Biscuit”, an officer who was searching someone turned and looked me up and down.…
When I popped out to get some milk earlier there was a police van on the street outside the lair. As I walked past, swearing and shouting “Biscuit”, an officer who was searching someone turned and looked me up and down.…
I’ve written lots of serious entries recently. Tourettes does bring challenges but my tics don’t let things stay serious for too long. Tonight they seemed even more abstract than usual:
“I fucked a kissing gate.”
“Key a llama with a biscuit.”…
Ruth texted me earlier to ask if I wanted to join her and some mates for a drink tonight. The only thing that put me off was the journey. I wasn’t sure if I could face travelling across London, especially after last weekend.…
I’m having a difficult evening tic-wise. I’m saying ‘fuck’ over and over again in the same monotonous voice, and it’s been driving me mad. Leftwing Idiot and Poppy were here, and I’d desperately wanted to enjoy a relaxing evening hanging out with them.…
Yesterday I compared my squirrel and donkey tics with each other. It got me thinking and I realised these are not the only animals which feature in tics. Here’s a selection:
“I’m a free-running ladybird.”
“Kiss a whale.”
“The elephant left the room.”…
“I’m living ketchup reality and I’m a donkey.”
“Life begins at squirrel.”
“Shall we make a cloakroom out of donkeys?”
“Squirrel, squirrel, squirrel, fashion.”
“Dear donkey, I’m sorry you’re a bachelor.”
“Squirrel loving fish.”
“Donkey cum, donkey cum, going only where a donkey can.”…
I was at the pub earlier with a group of friends including a mate who’s been staying with Leftwing Idiot over the weekend – she and her fiancé are both born again Christians. My tics inadvertently set her up for an awkward moment:
TH: I love fish.…
Tourettes appears to be experimenting with symbols. Hearts, hashtags and percentages have all featured in recent tics. Here are a handful of symbolic examples:
“I ♥ cum.”
“#pickledonioncumbottle”
“I’m 40% more biscuity than sheep.”
“I ♥ robot legs.”
“#teacuptits”
“95% of biscuits are birds.”
As we tucked into our meal this evening I ticced, “Hello dinner, I’m going to fuck you up.”
And that’s exactly what I did. Delicious.
This morning I was interviewed by Stephen Fry as part of a TV series he’s making, called Planet Word. He’s exploring language in all its shapes and forms. Tourettes gives me an unusual relationship with words because when I tic, I use them without any intention of communicating anything, and that’s what interested him.…
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