King Russell’s mum called earlier and while he was speaking to her I was squawking in the background as usual. Then I heard him say, “No mum, we haven’t bought a parrot.” He went on to explain it was just me she could hear shrieking.…

Many of my tics are funny and random, but recently I’ve been saying some fairly nasty things most of which are about myself. For example: “I’m a horrible cunt,” “Shut up bitch,” “Poke out my eyes.”

I don’t feel particularly full of self-loathing or hatred but these negative tics do seem to get more forceful if I’m feeling miserable or frustrated.…

Tonight I was out in town with Ruth and Catherine who both have Tourettes. At the first pub we went to we were ID’d, not to prove our ages but to prove we had Tourettes.

The bar manager approached us while we were waiting to be served and stood in front of us for a long time, staring at us.…

On my way to meet Laura and Hannah this evening I was stopped in the street by a man who asked me if I had Tourettes. When I said yes he said, “In that case I’ve got the cure.” He then offered to sell me some Cannabis, which I politely declined.…

For the last couple of weeks I’ve been singing my, “I’m a baby” song. The full lyrics are:

“I’m a baby,
You’re a baby,
Poke a baby,
Bank a baby.”

This has been amusing many of my friends, particularly Leftwing Idiot who sings along.…

I stayed in Birmingham last night and slept on a friend’s floor between Leftwing Idiot and our mate Chiv. They’d both DJed at the event last night. Leftwing Idiot asked how much I was likely to tic during the night. I couldn’t tell him because it’s been a while since I slept in the same room as anyone else.…

I’ve been sleeping badly for the last few days, waking up lots of times during the night. This might explain why I fell asleep this evening watching TV with Leftwing Idiot. When I woke up he said, ‘It’s really funny when you’re asleep because you still tic, but more gently than when you’re awake’.…

I was having a drink with Leftwing Idiot earlier. We were relaxing in a beer garden enjoying the afternoon sun.

He was holding my hands to help prevent my tics from injuring me.

I suddenly looked at him across the table and said, “Bastard!”

This afternoon I went to meet a friend who’s a TV news cameraman. He was working in Westminster but having a break between broadcasts. As we sat in Abingdon Green, a man came round the corner and I started shouting, “Dick, dick, dick!”…

In addition to my “I’m a baby” tic, I also now regularly say, “I’m a parent of a parent of…

… a partridge.”
… a papaya.”
… a piss.”
… a tortoise.”
… a baby.”