I was sitting outside a café, having breakfast with Leftwing Idiot. While we were talking he asked, “What would make your life better?” Before I could give a serious answer I ticced, “Not being a squirrel”. He found this hilarious, asked the question again and got the following answers:

“A baby.”…

Poppy and I were sitting outside a pub this afternoon. There was a group of drunk people at the next table who immediately started taking the piss out of me, copying my tics, laughing and shouting swear words.

I ignored them for a while but we were finding it hard to talk to each other.…

When I was younger my mum often used to sing Amazing Grace but I don’t think the lyrics she sang were quite the same as those I ticced tonight:

“Amazing Grace, how dare you be a bitch?”
“Amazing Grace, I paired off with Michael Jackson’s mum.”…

On my way home from work we drove past a small fire on the edge of a park. I asked the cab driver to stop at the police station next door so I could tell them about it, but it was shut.…

Laura called earlier. She’s been reading the blog which she’s been enjoying. She told me that it’s made her think about Tourettes – and its impact on me – in new ways.

One of the things she wanted to know was why she didn’t have a tic-name, like Leftwing Idiot, King Russell or Fat Sister.…

Here’s my version of I’d do Anything from the musical Oliver. It came from nowhere this evening and is presented here (almost) verbatim:

“I’d do anything for fucking mums, bitches and dog poo tits.

I’d do anything for a caged monkey in Peru.…

“Banksy’s love juice tasted like Creosote.”

Images inspired by tics have been streaming into the lair all day. It’s exciting to see what people are creating in response to things I’ve said. Particular highlights so far include an oozing sponge cake in underwear, a ferret having trouble with scissors, and a very fast penis.…

Over a year ago now my GP made a request for me to receive Habit Reversal Therapy (HRT). I’ve been keen to try this option since I heard about it because it could help me replace some of my more damaging tics with ones that have less physical or social impact.…

Friends and strangers are constantly misquoting me. For example:

“Figs on crisps” which was actually “Fingers on crisps.”

“Squirrel humper” which was actually “Squirrel lover.”

“Titty-wank your bank manager” which was actually “Titty-fuck your bank manager.”

“Hot green Kermit wank” which was actually “Boiling green Kermit cum.”…